Hot for Brother
by MichelleHuddy
Summary: AU. Brian is adopted by Taylors. He grows up the Stud of Liberty Avenue with his hot blond stepbrother by his side. English is not my first language.


_Brian is adopted as a kid to a nice family, who later had two of their own, Toni and Justin. Over the years Brian finds out that his little brother Justin is gay too. Who grown up to be the most beautiful man._

Brian was about eight years old, when his mother came back from the hospital carrying his new baby brother –Justin. He was excited to have a new brother, sometimes he fought really hard with his 3 years younger brother Toni, maybe Justin will turn out to be a much better one, to hang out. Of course they had the eight years differences, but now he could be cool older brother to protect Justin, even if he wasn't to Toni, just like his father told him to, when mommy said she was pregnant, and soon they'll have a one more person in this family. Brian and Toni will have a baby brother.

Unfortunately everything started way worse, than he expected. Ever since mom came back home from the hospital, after giving birth, she only spend her time with Justin, not even taking care of Toni, let alone Brian. They spend their time only with their father, cause Justin was in too need for attention, he would cry every single time when mother found any time for them. Justin needed to be fed, changed, made to sleep and taking care all day long. Brian started to hate Justin, cause he took all their attention from mommy.

His dad sensed Brian's bad mood and one day after dinner, he set him down to talk , "-Hay buddy, are you ok?"

"-Sure..", he said in a sad voice, still not learned how to hide his mood,

"-Come on son, you can tell me", father talked in a comforting voice and brushed his hand trough Brian's hair

"-Did mommy stopped loving me ?", he asked in a sad voice, keeping his eyes down,

"-What? Of course not, she's your mother, she will always love you. What made you to think that?"

"-She doesn't spend any time with me anymore, ever since Justin was born. Even Toni gets some attention", he said in a sad and even angry voice. His father brushed his hand over Brian's shoulder in a comforting way.

"-It's because Justin is just a baby, he can't be on his own. Toni too is still very young and he needs his mother. But you Brian are big enough to be a young man, not needing your mommy so much. She still loves you, and she feels sorry that she can't be with you that often. Now the two of us can spend more time. Father and son, don't you like that?", his father's voice was comforting but he didn't spoke sweetly like Brian was still a little kid. Brian though about it for a bit, trying to understand it,

"-I guess", he said thinking, "-Is that means that he won't spend with mom that much, when he'll be older?", Brian asked and father smiled, messing his son's hair a bit,

"-All three of you are our kids and we love you equally. It doesn't matter if sometimes we can't spend time together. There is three of you and mommy is only one, you have to learn how to share and not to be selfish"

"-Ok, I understand. Thanks dad.", Brian finally smiled and father gave him a hug,

"-I love you my son", Brian was glad having such a great father, not every kid had one like him.

Brian learned how to deal, sharing his mother, he learned how to deal having a new baby brother and even started to like him. Sometimes Justin wasn't crying or sleeping, then their parents, Toni or Brian played with the baby and Justin would laugh and smile. On his head started growing the light, almost white hair, he looked like a little angel, like from all those pictures, Brian saw in the old books. Since Brian was older than Toni, he was allowed to watch Justin more and even sometimes to hold him, although Brian didn't really liked that.

* * *

When Brian was about ten years old, his parents told him that he was adopted. It was a huge shock to the young boy, he was sure that his friends were just joking around, but when he asked his mother, she finally told him the truth. It was heartbreaking. He felt betrayed, all those talks " _all three of you are our kids_ ", it was the real bullshit. Brian was hiding in his room, when his father came to talk to him, his mother couldn't come, cause Brian's shouting made Justin to start crying. Brian didn't care, he wasn't his real brother.

"-Brian, it doesn't matter that mom didn't gave birth to you. We love you very much, equally to your brothers", his father tried to calm him down as Brian started crying after the angry shouting,

"-But mom didn't spend time with me, when Justin was born, cause she had her own kid and doesn't need me anymore. Justin has blonde hair like mom and you, and I have brown", Brian repeated his speech,

"-Brian, we don't care what colour is your hair, we would still love you, even if you would be bold"

"-That's gross", Brian muttered, "-I'm not that old like grandpa", his father laughed and Brian smiled,

"-Brian, because you're not our biologically, we love you even more, cause your parents left you. Someone needed to take care of you, to love you. You deserved to be loved, to have parents, to have brothers",

"-Dad, why my real parents didn't wanted me? What I did wrong?", Brian felt so ugly and evil,

"-Brian, you were just a baby. Your mother was just too young to take care of the baby", Brian smiled, he wasn't sure if he believed his father, because in over the years he could tell when his father was lying. But if he made this lie, maybe he really loved and cared of Brian. "-Now go and say you're sorry to your mom". Brian felt guilty that he shouted on her, so he did as he was told and went downstairs to say he's sorry and he loves his mother. He even considered apologising to his baby brother Justin, but he was too young to understand. Brian decided that action speaks louder than words. So he decided to be the best older brother ever, proving that he loved his Justin, even if they weren't related by blood.

* * *

When Brian was fourteen years old, he finally accepted that he was gay, but was still too scared to tell anyone, even his parents. First time he noticed that he likes boys, was when he was ten, he spend lots of time with his classmate Simon, Brian liked to watch him swimming as they went to the local pool. One day he even tried to kiss him, it didn't end well, Simon didn't tell anyone, but he didn't wanted to be his friend anymore. Over the years Brian liked to watch his classmates in the gym shower, or locker rooms, never showing or telling how he feels. His first some kind of experience with the man, was-blowing his gym teacher, after the classes, when Mr Morris was soaping himself up in the showers.

When Brian was fourteen, his worst day of the year, was about a week before the end of the school year. Weather was very warm, hot for the May, so after school Brian with his friends sneaked in, to swim in the closed pool. They didn't had any towels or bathing trunks, so they just jumped in, in their underwear or even naked. They played in pool, smashing water and joking around, Brian didn't had much experience in holding back his erection, so he got a boner. His friends started joking around, but later they become cruel and made fun of him, started pushing him and even beating him up.

Brian was afraid to came back home and tell the truth to his father. Once on the TV, he saw the show about gay people, they acted like girls and wore colourful clothes, their parents hated them, asking to change, even if being gay is not something they had chosen.

"-Brian, what happened? You got into the fight?", his mother asked in a caring voice, seeing the bruises on his face and arms, even if Brian tried to hide them, "-Brian, tell me", her voice was soft and Brian started crying, afraid to lose her love. Brian remembered one day, when he was about ten or eleven years old. He was playing with friends laughing at the birthday party, he didn't paid attention to the girls wearing nice dresses. When after the party his mother was driving him home, she said that she loves him, always will, no matter what and nothing would change that. So Brian told her the truth.

"-Jim and others beaten me, cause I like boys and not girls", Brian was looking down at the floors, with tears escaping his eyes. His mother stroked his back and his hair gently, comforting him.

"-I'm sorry Brian. You'll find other friends, they're just stupid and immature", his mother was still stroking his back gently and Brian stopped crying, feeling his mother's love. They were both sitting in the silence when his father came back home and asked what happened, becoming angry, seeing his son's bruises. Brian ran away to his room, asking his father to stay away as he knocked at his doors.

"-Brian, it's ok, just talk to me. I won't be angry", his voice was very gentle and Brian let him in,

"-I'm sorry dad. I didn't wanted to disappoint you", Brian tried to be a man and don't cry in front of his father, who wanted Brian and Toni to be the real men. To hunt, go fishing, play sports and talk about girls.

"-Brian, it's ok. You didn't disappointed me. You're my son, and I'll always be proud of you",

"-Dad...but I like boys", Brian was afraid to look at his father's eyes, afraid that his father would hit him.

"-I know", Brian looked up quickly at the low voice, "-Your mom told me", his father set closer. And Brian knew that everything will be ok.

It took time, but his parents managed to accept his orientation. Brian was afraid to go to school, cause all his friends now knew about him. So he convinced his parents to be transferred into another school in September. It wasn't private, but a simple school and Brian met there his new best friend-Michael, who also happened to be gay. They both kept each other's secrets.

* * *

At fifteen Brian's parents noticed that Brian wasn't able to express his feelings like the others. He used to be quite open as a kid, but with years he become tougher and more closed of. At first they thought it was because he was gay, but even after lots of talking about the subject, he didn't changed. And when Brian turned 15, his parents got a bit worried. Even asking if it was because he was adopted. Brian assured them it wasn't that, even if he had trouble talking about love. Brian didn't really cared about it. His puberty was pretty hard. Being gay was hard. Not having much friends was hard. Being older brother was hard. Feelings didn't matter to him so much anyway. He didn't care. But still he couldn't stop from being cynical. Secretly he blamed his biological parents. They must've gave him bad gene or something.

At sixteen Brian with Michael started visiting the Liberty Avenue, at seventeen they started going to the gay bars and gay dance clubs. Brian was tall and skinny, he was very good looking, attracting every men around. He looked older and was hot, so he had no problem to get inside with the fake id and enjoy blowjobs and fucking.

Brian was seventeen, when his parents was out and he had to take care of his brothers: 14 years old Toni and 9 years old Justin. They all got along pretty well, so it wasn't a big problem, they all had a great time, and his brothers just adored him. Unfortunately it was Friday night and Brian wanted to go clubbing and fucking. His brothers went to bed at 12 and Brian sneaked out for a short fuck. At Woody's Brian hunted one hot guy and wanted to fuck him, but he refused to be fucked in the alley, he was hot and Brian was horny, he knew that at Babylon on Friday was tough security and he might not get in. So Brian risked and brought that guy home, his brothers were asleep and his parents won't be home till tomorrow night.

So Brian was fucking that guy, when he heard doors cracked open, looking at the doorway Brian saw his baby brother Justin, standing and staring at them, "-Get out", Brian shouted angrily and Justin ran away. He didn't wanted to shout but Justin shouldn't watch other people, besides Brian was close to come, he couldn't be nice, when someone interrupted his fucking.

"-I think your brother is gay too", that stranger guy said, getting dressed,

"-Why would you say something like that?", Brian asked angrily, that guy didn't knew Justin and saw him for all but few seconds

"-Because he had the boner, watching us fucking", that guy laughed, "-Your poor parents", Brian shot daggers,

"-Just get the fuck out", he shouted on the guy angrily, kicking him out. It was a mistake to bring him home. When the guy left Justin was sleeping again soundly in his bed. So the next day, before his parents could come back, he set Justin down to talk and explain everything to him.

"-Justin do you remember what you saw last night?", he asked in a low voice, being sorry for shouting,

"-Yeah, you were having sex with some stranger", Brian raised an eyebrow not expecting that, "-I'm nine, I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not stupid", Justin explained with serious and hurt voice,

"-Of course not..", Brian punched friendly to his shoulder, "-Justin, do you like girls?",he asked quietly,

"-Sure..", Brian nodded, "-Daphne is my best friend", Justin explained happily and Brian rolled his eyes,

"-I mean, would you like to kiss her. Like mom and dad does?", Brian knew that Justin was a smart kid,

"-Ew no, Daphne is my friend, I don't want to kiss her", Brian rolled his eyes again,

"-How about other girls, would you like to kiss someone else?", Justin frowned his eyebrows thinking,

"-I don't know. I never thought about it. I'm just nine years old", Brian nodded with a smile, maybe he is too young to know what he likes, "-But Toni likes girls. I saw him kissing one after school", Justin said happily, with his bright smile, like wanting to give what Brian asked him.

"-Ok...Justin about last night. Could this be our secret and you won't tell anyone about it?", Justin nodded.

From that day Brian looked closer at Justin as they spend some time together, searching for some sign, about him being gay too. Justin seemed liking his older brother very much, looking after him, like he was some hero. Just like Brian was looking up at his father. Justin spend very little time with his father, but always being here for mom and was very excited to spend time with Brian. Justin knew that brunet was adopted, but he seemed loving him more for it, liking him much better than Toni, who spend all his time playing video games or with his girlfriend.

* * *

When Brian was eighteen, he was clubbing almost every night, but not forgetting to study, for upcoming exams and applying for colleges. Justin was very upset about him leaving, he didn't smiled that often in his bright smile and his eyes lost their sparkles. Brian promised him to visit as often as he could. In the end Brian got into the college near Pittsburgh, so it wasn't hard to keep up his promise to Justin and his best friend Michael, who got into the community college.

Before leaving his home for college Brian went to say goodbye to Justin, who was on the verge of crying. "-Don't cry and be the man, I'll visit when I can", Justin tried to smile, but his eyes was wet. Brian laughed. "-Will you do me a favour?", Brian asked and Justin nodded happily, "-I have something hidden in my closet, some magazines, could you make sure that parents won't find them? Could you take care of them?", Brian asked meaning his male porn, Justin agreed nodding with a smile, not knowing that. If Justin was really gay, it will be the proof and if not, Justin loved Brian too much to say anything to mom.

Brian didn't mentioned those magazines for about a year. Before Brian's second year of college, the whole family went on the summer vacation. They lived in the beach house, near the sea, swimming all day. One day Brian was tanning in the sun, when he saw Justin sketching some young people, playing the volleyball. There were mostly guys, but with couple of girls too, about Brian's age.

"-Justin, did you took care of my magazines I told you about?", he saw as Justin's hands stopped drawing and his cheeks blushed, "-Have you said anyone about them?", Justin shook his head nervously, "-Ok. I don't need them anymore, so they're yours if you want it. Or you can just trough them away. Your choice", Brian said in nonchalant voice putting his sunglasses on, like ending the conversation. He still saw how Justin gulped down, but the corners of his lips raised. Brian smirked to himself. His poor parents for sure, two kids out of three were gay, Toni would better have many kids to make them happy.

* * *

In his last year of college Brian finally realised that he doesn't do, want or believe in the relationships. And probably never will. Relationships and even love was for the straight people ,not for gay men. Especially not for man like Brian who was hot and liked fucking, who could have any guy he wanted. Fucking was honest. He didn't blamed anyone for his chosen philosophy. Not broken heart, not the bad boyfriend, nor religion. He never had any of those and it made him happy. He grow up in the loving family, his parents loved each other and their kids. But he wasn't like them. It wasn't the gold, Brian wanted to reach. He wanted to become the big fat fucking success. He will work hard, he will fuck hard, he will be his own boss. He was about to become a legend- the stud of Liberty Avenue.

When Brian finished college he came back to Pittsburgh, to be closer to his best friends, parents, favourite club Babylon and Justin. He got a job in one of advertising company and rented the new cool apartment in the city- his throne, where he will fuck like a king. And be fabulous.

One day Justin came to see his new place and Brian sensed that something was up, he asked him about it, "-It's nothing", Justin smiled faking it, "-I like your place, very cool. I like the bed and the kitchen..."

"-Yeah I like it too. Justin, you know you can tell me everything, right?", he said softly, trying to help,

"-You won't tell our parents?", Brian shook his head, "-I kissed one boy at the school and now he doesn't talk to me", Justin said looking at the floor. Probably it was his first crush.

"-Probably because he's not gay or is afraid to admit he is. Don't worry about it, you'll meet plenty of great guys is the future. You're still very young, wait couple of years and boys will trough themselves at you", Justin laughed and become that smiling young man, Brian knew and loved.

* * *

When Justin turned sixteen, he begged to be taken to the Liberty Avenue, so Brian showed him everything around, not taking to clubs or bars of course. They ate at the Liberty Diner and his friends gave Justin bunch of compliments, "-On day you'll grow up to be one hot guy", Emmet said. "-Beauty runs in the family" ,Justin said laughing and blushing. Debbie immediately fall in love with him and gave him a nickname- _Sunshine_. It suited him perfectly, with those blond hair and the bright smile. Brian agreed that Justin would be one hot guy. He felt even proud. Justin might be just like Brian, the hot stud everyone wanted.

When Justin turned Seventeen, Brian took him to every bar and club, because Justin would've went alone and probably get himself in some trouble. Justin told his parents about being gay and his mom forbid Justin to go to Liberty Avenue. But Brian promised to take care of him and his father trusted him to be the protective brother. So Justin become regular in Woody's and Babylon, with the condition that he made his homework on time and won't skip school. Luckily Justin was damn smart, scoring only A's.

And Emmet was right, Justin turned out to be a very hot guy, with perfect blond hair, blue eyes, bright smile, slim body, full lips and light skin. Guys were hitting on him constantly, wanting to dance and buy him drinks. Brian was very protective of him, so he stuck around and scared some guys, he didn't liked away. He tried to protect Justin from drugs and other bad thing for him, but sometimes he didn't saw what Justin was doing. So his brother started smoking and drinking amounts almost like Brian.

"-If he wouldn't be your brother, I would totally do him", Ted said once and others agreed, but they all got Brian's angry frown and threatening that he would kill them if anyone of them, would touch Justin. Brian knew that Justin was good looking, actually very hot, and if Justin would be a complete stranger Brian probably would too, be drooling over him. But he wasn't, cause Justin was his baby brother. His friends must've been total drunks and sick to think about it.

* * *

It was close to Justin's eighteenth birthday when he truly kissed Brian. They were both drunk and Brian was stoned of drugs, as they both drove in taxi, both sitting on the backseats. It was Friday night, so Justin was suppose to be sleeping on Brian's couch, that their parents wouldn't know the late hour and wouldn't smell alcohol. They were both laughing, joking about stupid stuff, dreaming of alternative universe, when suddenly ...Brian felt soft, full lips, crashing on his in a heated kiss. Wonderful tasting kiss messed with his head. He felt like dreaming. They kissed for full 5 seconds until harsh reality kicked in and Brian finally realised what was going on, like wakened with the cold shower he stopped the kiss, "-Justin, What a Hell?", Brian suddenly felt completely sober, it was his younger brother. His baby brother- Justin. Fuck. Brian quickly told the driver the new address and they stopped at their parents place, "-I'm... sorry Brian", Justin said with scared voice and quickly ran inside, Brian drove home, trying to forget what happened.

They acted like nothing ever happened and Brain never said this to anyone. Just one stupid kiss. No need to overreact. Until few weeks later, it was Justin's eighteenth birthday. They all danced at Babylon, that's what Justin wanted to do, to dance, drink and fuck. "-So what do you want for your birthday?", Brian asked as they danced together, not yet having a birthday present,

"-You", Justin said in a whisper, same time placing his hand on Brian's belt, who quickly stepped back,

"-What? What have you taken tonight? You must be completely high. Cause We Are Brothers", Brian said clear and angry voice, hoping that it was just the drugs talking. Justin can't be that crazy,

"-I'm not on any drugs. Just couple drinks", Justin explained with a little smile, Brian kept on frowning, "-We are not related by blood. We're both hot gay men", Justin said like Brian is too stupid to understand,

"-It doesn't make any right for us to fuck. I used to babysit you, for fuck's sake", he almost shouted and Justin's eyes become instantly wet. He ran away, without listening Brian's begging to stop and talk. Fuck. This was insane. He should've brought him some stupid gift without asking. He heard that Justin let couple of guys to fuck him that night. Brian never wanted for this to happen, they were always great friends, brothers and now Justin was hurt. Justin refused to talk to Brian for couple of weeks. It was a hard time, they were always close. It took time but eventually they made peace and spend time like usual. Brothers again. Not talking about the subject at all.

Couple months later Justin finished school and got into the art college in New York. It was hard to realise, he won't be around so much, to spend so much time together, they were very close, like best friends and Brian was really missing him. Justin was coming back only to celebrate hollydays and couple months in the summer. They still talked on the phone and wrote e-mails. Justin was having a time of his life, clubbing and fucking, studying what he loves.

* * *

One Friday when Justin was back in town Brian took him to Babylon and they had fun dancing and drinking, until Justin told him that he had a boyfriend back in New York. Brian made fun of it, since he didn't believed in gay relationships. It was meant for the straight people. But actually deep down, Justin having a boyfriend bugged him more than he would ever admit. It wasn't just the defeat of Justin being the stud like Brian. it was more. Of course Brian ignored and avoided even a second thought.

That Saturday Brian was in a very bad mood and Justin complained about him being a bad company. At Sunday evening Justin had to flight back to New York, so their family had lunch together at parent's house. After the lunch Brian found Justin in his old room, which he hadn't used in a very long time. Justin was sitting on the bed and watching the photos, hanging on the wall

"-Hay, what you're doing in my old room?", Brian asked very surprised,

"-Nothing, just looking at the old photos", Justin said, not turning to look at Brian, "-You know I used to spend lots of time inhere", Brian raised an eyebrow at his words and set next to him on the bed, "-I used to hide here to watch those magazines, you left for me and jerk of", Justin sounded sentimental and Brian smiled imagining. No not imagining Justin jerking of. But... remembering. Himself. Jerking of. And the magazines he left for Justin.

But right now Justin's eyes weren't on thew magazines, he was watching Brian's photos and brunet suddenly wondered if he used to jerk of, watching at him. No he wasn't. How stupid. Justin did not had any crush on him. On his own older brother. Even if Justin did asked to spend the night together. Fuck. His minds were going crazy.

"-And now you don't need to jerk of, having a boyfriend", Brian sounded sarcastic, he couldn't help it

"-Why do you have such a problem, that I have a boyfriend? I say nothing about your fucking every guy in town", Justin said in a serious and even angry voice, they both turned to look at each other. Fuck. Those blue eyes. It felt like he could see Brian's soul. Like those blue eyes were the clear water, you could see your own reflection. Fuck. It's too intense.

"-I don't...just why to settle when there is so many guys you can fuck?", Brian played his usual role and Justin snorted, "-Not everybody is like you Brian. Some of us want to feel loved and not so alone", Justin said in ahurt voice and stood up, ready to leave.

"-Justin, wait...", Brain stood up too, stopping him "-What?", Justin turned around and for couple of seconds they just stared at each other. Brian didn't knew what possessed him, but he stepped closer, ending the distance between them and Kissed Justin full on the lips. Fuck. He was out of his mind. It was Justin. But fuck. It tasted Good. Too good.

They kissed for couple seconds with passion until they both realised what happened and this time, they both stepped back away from each other and just stared. Stared at each other not being able to move. Trying to understand what just happened. Shit.

"-Justin...", doors opened and their mom came in, "-It's time to go", she said and left, leaving the doors open. "-I...", Justin pointed at the doors and Brian just nodded, probably because he wasn't able to talk. He just stood in one spot not trusting himself to move. Justin left without any word of goodbye. Maybe because they just _said_ their goodbyes.

* * *

They acted like nothing happened, it was easier to ignore the subject, to pretend, than to explain what the fuck that was. It didn't even fit in the head. So they just talked about stupid stuff, trying to act like it didn't affected them. They were still brothers. When Justin was in town they spend some time like usual, talking about boring stuff, Brian's job and Justin's studies. When they went to Woody's and Babylon, Brian tried to fuck as many guys as possible, trying to avoid dancing with Justin alone, like they used to. Probably not very trusting himself being drunk and close to Justin at the same time.

One night when Brian was dancing in Babylon, he stopped dead in his track when he noticed the most amazing bubble ass in a tight light blue jeans, bent over the bar with ass in the air. His mouth watered instantly and his cock twitched in his pants. he quickly made his way to the man, intending to quickly drag him to the back room, when suddenly the guy stood up and turned around. WHAT ? FUCK! NO! It was Justin. JUSTIN! His brother. FUCK. Brian of course blamed it on drugs and alcohol. But that night he avoided Justin like pleage and fucked as many brunet guys as he managed.

Brian started feeling like some sick creep, but he found his nineteen years old Brother Justin more and more beautiful, every time he saw him. And not just in an admiring way, but in an attractive way. God. Justin wasn't just his beautiful brother anymore, suddenly he was this beautiful man. It was fucked up. His cute brother who just happened to be a male gay, suddenly was a hot guy with perfectly shaped body.

God. Fuck. And the jealousy of Justin having a boyfriend become more and more serious, turning into some kind of obsession. And not a very healthy one. It made Brian wanting to fuck every, familiar looking young blonde in town. But it didn't really worked. Cause no one could stand a chance.

Brian knew it was turning seriuos, when he started having the sexual dreams about his brother. First few times he was shocked and disgusted by himself, having cold showers and trying to find someone to fuck as soon as possible. But in time he got used to it and even started enjoying it. It was just the dreams, no one had to know about it, it was his dark little secret. It made no harm. Brian hoped it was the problem solver, he wanted Justin and he had him in his dreams. He hoped it would go away with time. but it didn't and acutally it just made the things worse.

* * *

When Brian was 28, his brother Justin was twenty years old, studying the third year in college, he was back from school for Christmas break, staying home for two whole weeks. Brain spend some time with Justin like usual, going to movies, having lunches, talking, going to Woody's and Babylon. It was a week later, when Justin told him, that he broke up with his boyfriend and didn't planned to date for a while now. Brian took him to celebrate into Babylon and Justin danced and fucked around all week, just like before, but Brian still felt that jealousy inside. And a very bad one.

On Justin's last night in town they were again dancing in Babylon, drinking and fucking. After couple hours of dancing they locked themselves in the bathroom to sniff some special K. Brian was probably not the best influence. They both sniffed and relaxed by the small cabinet's walls, standing close and looking at each other. Both mentally vulnerable of high. Meaning bad news. Brian silently admired Justin. His full lips. God. He wanted to kiss him. Really kiss him. Brian felt that the urge to kiss Justin deepened, actually so much it become uncontrollable, he was high, he felt happy and free and he didn't care anymore. Nothing else mattered. So he stepped closer, with his body pressing Justin to the wall and kissed him. Finally kissed him. He tasted so good. So Good. After the kiss Brian relaxed leaning against him, feeling himself getting hard, fast, but he couldn't fuck his brother. No. He felt Justin's hand on his belt, he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't resist, it was so tempting, so he allowed him to continue. God help him. Blonde unzipped his pants, took his dick out and start jerking him off. Too late to stop now. Brian noticed Justin being hard too, so he did the same and they both jerked each other off, standing close in bathroom's cabinet, stoned of alcohol and drugs. Fuck. But it wasn't drugs what made them to do it.

* * *

They didn't talked about it, no need to, they were stoned that night, no other explanation. Next day Justin flight back to New York. It would be weird to talk about it on the phone or e-mails. So they didn't. On the next visit Justin caught some cold, so his mother didn't allowed him to go out to clubs and bars. The whole spring Justin was busy with projects and his job in some cafeteria, wanting to be more independent, so he didn't came back home. In summer he had to do college's practise. So Brian didn't saw him till the next Christmas break, whole year later.

He missed him terribly. He missed seeing him, talking to him face to face, missed just being around him. Atmosphere between them, unintentionally, was filled with sexual tension. They just couldn't do much about it. Trying to be friends and brothers, simply hanging out, spending time, but in their heads still played those memories of kiss, of taste, of touch, of feel, of hot breath, of closeness, the smell of cum.

* * *

The night they spend together, was after the New Year's party, as usually celebrated in Babylon. Dancing and drinking all night, they came back to Brian's apartment totally drunk, barely taken their clothes off, they fall into bed tired. When Brian woke up, it was still dark outside, he was facing Justin's bare back, perfect milky skin, glowing in the night, like the moonlight came only for him, it looked so soft, so wonderful. He wanted to touch him so freaking much. the need the want was so overhelming. Brian never had a very good resistance. Not able to resist the urge to touch it, fingers trembling with need. He softly caressed the skin with his fingertips, like feather touch, running up and down, exploring the forbiden teritory, eventually reaching up the soft golden hair, reaching on the neck.

He wanted to scream when he saw goose bumps covering the allabaster skin, the light shiver running down Justin's spine. Brian clenched his fingers into fists. he wanted to touch more, he wanted to feel the skin against his, to realish in the heat of their bodies. He wanted to cover the skin in hot kisses, to taste it, ravish it, cover in marks, claim as his, worship it. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this, having such needs.

He was surprised, taken a back when blonde suddenly turned around in the bed, facing him, blue eyes wide open. Brian didn't knew that blonde wasn't sleeping, since his breathing was slow and steady. Their faces were just inches apart and they just laid there staring at each other for couple of minutes, maybe more, until they didn't care about anything else and they met in a kiss. Simple perfect kiss. But single kiss become the passionate one and simple laying side by side turned into Brian rolling over Justin. Hands start touching all over, breathing become hitched. Kisses turned into making out, and making out turned into fucking. Hot, sweaty, rocking, fucking. Seeing and reaching starts fucking. The most amazing one.

Morning came too soon and Brian tried to convince himself that nothing happened that it didn't matter anything that it was simply fucking, just one time thing. Even if deep inside he knew he was deluding himself. Brian stood long minutes under the shower trying to wash everything away, to realise what have he done, blaming everything on alcohol and drugs, blaming his routine to fuck every hot guy he meets. But he couldn't explain his desire, his blindness around Justin, more and more often forgetting he's his brother. He was delusional. But even if it scared the shit out of him, he couldn't stop being blind, being horny and probably losing his mind over this. But being blind was so good. Too good. So Brian gave in easily that morning again, when skinny, naked and hard Justin pressed himself against his body in the shower and stuck their wet skin together. In that moment, nothing else existed in the world.

* * *

"-No one can know about this", Brian tried to speak with Justin again, rationally and calm, but blonde was being stubborn and deaf. Great.. One brother blind. Other one deaf. Fucking great

"-Brian, we are not related by blood, we are both hot gay men, it's nothing wrong", Justin dare to smile

"-Nothing wrong?", he shouted now, "-You think our parents would think the same? Just because they accepted us being gay, it doesn't mean that they would even listen about this, before axing my head of", Brian growled. Oh God. Their parents. They would freak.

Brian wanted to talk with someone about this, but he was sure that his friends would judge him, before even listening and it wasn't like Brian had a very good explanation. He somehow managed to stay away from Justin, until his flight back to New York, even if it was very hard, since Justin saw everything in a way different perspective. But Justin still convinced Brian that they should talk about this with their other brother-Toni, if he won't judge them, they will consider to talk to their parents. But Brian was lying, he probably would never be able to tell his father. But he promised Justin. And maybe Toni could put some sense in their heads, explain this madness or make them to stop.

Toni was definitely shocked, he got along well with both brothers and accepted them both being gay, since it was always pretty obvious. But that news was not what he expected. Brian got the most blaming, since he was older, but Justin was turning 21 in just couple of months, not the kid anymore. They both were good looking and both never had problems to get any guy they wanted. Toni called it " the _fucked up universe_ ". Toni suggested that maybe they were attracted cause they were good friends, knowing each other very well, spending so much time, but Brian was never really attracted to his best friend Michael, even if he did thought Michael was pretty good looking in general.

When Brian told Toni, that he regrets what he have done and promised to never touch Justin again, and Toni told everything back to blonde, Justin almost immediately came back home. He shouted at Brian that he didn't took his feelings seriously and blonde promised not to give up so easily, since it took so long for them to be together in the first place. Justin didn't listen to his words that Brian never do relationships, don't believe in love and he would definitely won't do any of that with his younger brother.

But blonde was stubborn. And hot. And Brian didn't had any resistance cell in his body. So it took just two days and couple drinks, until Brian caught himself making out with Justin on Babylon's dance floor. And not just making out after they came back to his loft. But that wasn't the worst. His friends saw them in the heated moment and the next day in the diner they were ready to kill Brian,

"-What were you thinking?", " -Are you fucking sick?", "- How in the world you could do that?", "- How long was this going?", "- How could you do this to Justin?", "- How could you poison that innocent young man?", "-Are you even sorry?", his friends ( other family) attacked him from every side, barely letting to breath, spacing in the corner. Brian was annoyed, he shouted that it wasn't their fucking business but same time agreeing to every word and Brian used the same words Justin used on him,

"-We are not related by blood", "- We are not technically brothers", "- It's just simply fucking and even if it weren't it's none of your business", "- He's not a kid anymore", "- I didn't forced him to do anything", "- He was the one coming on to me, since he was eighteen", "- I do have my own brains to realise what we've done". Brian left the diner, without eating, he knew his friends wouldn't understand, so his parents even less so. He needed just to forget Justin, act like nothing happened, came back to being his brother only.

* * *

Brian needed some space from him, so he stopped picking Justin's calls, after the week and like 30missed calls, Brian wrote him an e-mail, explaining that it was just a mistake and they should forget everything and move on. One day after work Brian found the message in his answering machine from Justin, who sounded like he was crying. Brian couldn't sleep that and following night. He fucked every guy he met, but it just turned worse, until Brian started dreaming about his blonde yet again. About his blue eyes, his light hair, his soft skin, his full lips. How fucked up that was. Never forgetting the nights they spend together, the best he ever had. And for Brian it said a lot. He was drinking and fucking like he never had before and thinking that Justin did the same, made his stomach turn into knots.

This worsen state of Brian made his friends to see that this was serious and eventually they all accepted it. Toni too eventually agreed that they should be together, cause it won't be worse than it is right now. Both hurting each other trying to be separate. For Michael it was harder to accept it, but he wanted his friend to be happy, and this acceptance just made Brian more unhappy than usual,

"-What are you going to do?",Michael asked as he found Brian drinking in Woody's like usual,

"-I don't know. Maybe eventually Justin will find someone his own age, maybe he'll just stuck in New York, making impossible for us to meet, and be alone, which always makes everything worse",

"-You actually love him, don't you?", Michael asked surprised and feeling sorry,

"-Sure, he's my brother", Brian faked his smile and Michael just rolled his eyes, "-I don't believe in love",

"-Then how would you call this?", Michael asked as Brian downed another double scotch,

"-Avoiding my parent's sudden wish to kill me", Brian lighted another cigarette. Right now was probably the only time, when Brian wished that his parents wouldn't have adopted him, even if he would've had a bad childhood, he wouldn't need to poison himself for wanting Justin.

Maybe they would've met in Babylon or somewhere in the Lyberty Avenue, like in one of his dreams. Maybe they would have become friends and lovers and had a great time, maybe Justin would've changed Brian made him to fall for him and be his first and only boyfriend. Those dreams and fantasies almost made Brian's eyes watery. it sounded too good. it was delusional. Brian wasn't meant to fall in love, to meat anyone good, to be happy like that.

* * *

Spring came very fast and Justin's graduation of college was coming closer. He told his parents about thinking to stay in New York, and even if Brian knew the possibility, it still bugged him. But it would make things easier, his lack of attention to this subject made his parents worried, how after being so good friends for years, they suddenly stopped talking and didn't care about each other. Brian didn't even called Justin on his birthday. Brian lied that he was busy, the day Justin had to graduate, he didn't wanted to come to New York and see Justin. His parents were pissed, but he was old enough, so they couldn't force him. That night Brian got totally drunk and found old photos, in whose Justin was smiling and laughing. It was slowly killing him. He was so beautiful and happy. Now Brian was hurting him and making him sad. He imagined that Justin would smile and laugh at his graduation and Brian wished he could see him. Even if it would hurt.

Two weeks later their parents planned family vacation in the beach house, where they went every summer, except the last summer, when Justin had college practise. Brian wasn't sure how his parents managed to force him to come, he was probably not listening very well, or maybe he was drunk at that time. Or maybe he was now slightly scared of his parents. Or maybe the possibility to see Justin again made it worth it. Doesn't matter now. Cause eventually there he was- tanning in sun and with one eye watching Justin, sitting only in his shorts, with golden light sparkling in his hair and sketching the volleyball players, like he does every year. He looked like a perfect picture from the magazine. Or something expensive in the window-case, when you only could watch but never touch.

Luckily Justin was too concentrated on his drawing to notice Brian's staring, or maybe he just acted like he didn't noticed. Brian too, felt few times Justin's eyes on himself. Only the brief ones, but those blue eyes managed to go deep, that Brian could feel them like daggers. Surprisingly Justin never once approached Brian, almost like he was avoiding him, even more than he did himself. So somehow they managed not to talk for full three days, until their parents finally decided to intrude, during their family dinner,

"-Ok, it's time for you to say what's going on", Brian and Justin raised their eyes playing dump, "-Cut the crap boys. You two been best friends since you were kids and now when you're grownups, you suddenly decided not to talk at all", Justin and Brian bend their eyes down guiltily. There was no words with whose they could explain everything. "-Come on boys, you're brothers and you haven't talked once since you came here", their mother said in soft words and Justin raised his eyes at his brother, Brian said nothing, keeping his face blank, trying to ignore that he noticed some hurt in Justin's face.

"-Technically they're not brothers..", Toni suddenly said and everyone turned to look at him, his girlfriend Sara, who came with, start whispering that he should apologise for such cruel words.

"-Toni, what's wrong with you now? Brian is as equally your brother as Justin is, even if you don't share the same blood", their parents were in total shock, not once they had any problems with Brian being adopted, his younger brothers adored him even more than each other.

"-Mom, it's ok", Brian said softly, "- And Toni, just shut the fuck up", Brian said harshly, almost threatening,

"-Justin, do you have anything to say?", Toni asked turning to Justin, who remained silent,

"-Toni, just shut your fucking mouth. It's none of your business", Brian said harshly again, clenching his fists. Their parents and Sara set in silence, shocked and oblivious to what is happening.

"-I'm not hungry anymore..", Justin said in a low voice, he stood up and walked back to his room, locking the doors. Everyone turned to Brian, but he acted like he didn't noticed that, like he didn't heard sadness in Justin's voice, or saw the hurt on his face. Pretending was the easiest way. Pretending that it didn't hurt. Brain raised from the table too, but he didn't followed Justin, he stepped outside for a smoke, deciding to leave home soon, not knowing why he came here in the first place. It wasn't worth it. He was just being selfish missing Justin. But it hurt too much. It hurt to see pain in Justin's eyes. Pretending that it was nothing, that it didn't meant anything or didn't hurt become aroused.

With all their plans, their parents made for this vacation, Brian could leave just two days later. Completely ignoring Justin. Almost like he was blind. Almost. He packed his stuff after the breakfast and planned to leave before the lunch. Packing his bag, Brian found the gift he brought for Justin, he hadn't given to him yet. Since they still haven't talked like normal human beings, Brian decided to leave the gift in Justin's room, when he wasn't in. Brian stepped inside and looked around, it was hard to be there. He could see Justin's clothes and things around, remembering how Justin's clothes looked on his loft's floor after fucking. Justin's undone bed almost scream of sex, especially with unmistakable Justin's scent. It was intoxicating, he couldn't stay there long, Brian placed the box on the bed and turned around to leave, when doors cracked open, "-What are you doing here?", Justin asked surprised, coming in

"-I was just leaving", Brian said stepping one step closer to the doors, but Justin was blocking the way, "-I came to leave you the graduation present", Brian said pointing to the box on the bed,

"-Because you don't believe in birthdays, only the achievements", Justin said one of Brian's rules. He nodded. "-How come you grow up to be so cynical and cold, when we have the same parents?", Brian raised his eyebrows at Justin's words. Justin thought he was cold. Was he cold ? Because he didn't felt like it. They stood couple feet apart, Brian clenched his hand tighter on the bag,

"-It's a watch, I hope you'll like it", Brian said ignoring Justin's question, hoping to leave soon,

"-You're leaving?", Justin pointed at the bag and Brian looked down at leather Gucci bag, he nodded

"-So I heard, you're staying in New York", Brian said after a long pause, looking back at Justin,

"-I don't think that staying in Pittsburgh, where I could see you every day cruising, would do any good for me", Brian just blinked not knowing what to say, "-Besides New York holds lots of possibilities for my future"

"-Yeah..New York is so much better for you. You'll become very famous, in time you won't even remember our fabulous Pitts", Brian said in a cold voice, believing that time can heal everything,

"-I think that even time is powerless against some things", Justin held their eyes in a strong look,

"-Sure, who knows maybe we'll end up together, when we'll be just a couple of old fags", Brian joked in a cold and sarcastic voice. He remembered saying something familiar about Michael. "-It's time for me to go..", Brian softened his voice, suddenly avoiding Justin's eyes.

"-Wait, I'll just check my watch", Justin said as Brian was about to reach the doors, "-Who knows maybe I'll hate it, maybe you bought me some cheep shit, when you're wearing Rolex", Brian chuckled and nodded. It almost felt normal and comfortable. Almost. They both stood by bed and Justin unpacked his gift. It wasn't Rolex, but it was nice, elegant, stylish watch. Justin smiled brightly and Brian shut his eyes tightly in pain. When his smile started hurting him. The Sunshine smile. Who knows when he'll see Justin smiling again.

"-Since, you like it..", Brian whispered and clenched his hand tighter, needing to run away. But Justin's hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him and in the same time reading the engraving on the back of the watch,

"- _Happy Graduation. Love Brian_ ", Justin read and stared at Brian's eyes, who was afraid to look back at him,

"-As a brother", Brian said trying to sound harshly, but only a whisper escaped his mouth, still avoiding to look at his eyes. Because he'll know. Fuck. He couldn't lie to Justin anymore. Not about this. They stood inches away, Justin's hand still holding Brian's wrist, he saw with the corner of his eye how Justin putt the watch back on the bed and placed his free hand on Brian's cheek, asking to look back at him. His fingers softly brushed Brian's skin and he shut his eyes tightly, hating that he felt what he felt. He slowly turned to look down at Justin and his blue eyes were piercing brightly back at him, reaching his soul. Brian wanted to scream. But all he could do, was just respond to Justin's lips crushing on his in fevered kiss. Oh God that taste. Those lips. The bag fall down loudly as Brian's hand clenched on Justin's shoulder and his held wrist was released, so that their fingers could interlink together.

They pressed their foreheads together as they broke the kiss for much needed air, standing with closed eyes and listening to each other's breathing. Holding onto it. Earth seemed still moving around. "-What are you doing to me?", Brian asked in a whisper almost afraid that louder voice would break the spell

"-Teaching how to feel and be less cynical", Justin whispered back and Brian chuckled. They stood in the comfortable silent for couple of minutes, not moving, "-What are we going to do? Cause this sucks shits", Justin cursed

"-There is not much we can do...", Brian said in a sad but serious voice, Justin sighted clenching their hands tighter. Brian smiled sadly and kissed his nose, not moving his forehead from his.

"-We could both move to New York or somewhere else, where no one knows us and no one would judge us", Justin said with a sad and angry voice, desperate to find the solution.

"-Sacrificing everything else, wouldn't make us happy", Brian stated seriously and Justin nodded agreeing. They locked their eyes together, like searching for an answer or just comfort. Brian caressed Justin's hair slowly, enjoying the golden silk between his fingers, and Justin crossed his hands around Brian's back, bringing their lips in another fevered kiss. Desperate, hungry , forbidden but passionate kiss.

They just pressed their foreheads together again, enjoying their needed closeness in silence when sudden.. "-Boys...", father's voice came from suddenly opened doors and they didn't managed to step away fast enough, until father was already in the room, staring in shock with a gasp and very wide eyes,

"-Dad, we can explain..", they both said in unison with wide eyes at their father,

"-I really hope that you can", father said with a cold voice, stepping more inside and closing the doors behind him. Justin looked down at his feet searching for words and Brian ran his hand trough his hair, not knowing what to say. He imagined this moments and what he would say, but now he felt speechless. "-Brian?", their father said seriously and both brothers looked up at him,

"-It's not his fault", Justin suddenly said and both Brian with father turned at him. "-It's no one's fault..."

"-Justin..", their father said angrily stopping him and Justin blinked back with surprise. Their father took a deep breath, "-Justin, go down stairs and help your mother with lunch", he said in a softer voice but still serious. Justin opened his mouth to say something, but father stopped him again, "-Justin, do as I say. And no word to your mother about this. Now go.", father said louder and Justin turned to look at silent Brian, he nodded slowly, not turning to look at him. and Justin left, closing the doors.

"-Well?", father asked after a long silence, then Brian tiredly set on the bed and placed his head in his hands,

"-Dad..I'm sorry", Brian said finally rising his eyes back at the father. Since he was just a kid, he never wanted to disappoint his father and now...he felt such a failure in father's eyes. "-We...I didn't planned this. Dad...", Brian stood up again "-I...I'm not some sick bastard...I didn't planned this with my...brother", Brian pressed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the look on father's face. "-I'm not some child molester...I don't have some sick sexual dreams about my family...about my brothers", Brian ran his both hands trough his hair. This is insane, it's impossible to explain this to their father. It was making him crazy.

"-Does anybody knows about this?", Brian raised his eyes in surprise, how calm his father's voice sounded,

"-Couple of my friends... and Toni", Brian said in a low voice and pressed his lips tight. The look on father's face was expressionless. "-Dad.. I am very sorry..", Brian repeated in a low and sincere voice.

"-That's what Toni and you spoke about the other night?", father asked in a calm and serious voice. Brian just nodded couple times. "-Lunch is ready, let's go eat", Brian nodded, "-This is not done. We'll talk about this later. So you're not leaving yet", father said in a commanding way, pointing at the bag on the floor. Brian nodded and father left the room, leaving the doors opened. Brian breathed out with more ease. This was far from over. He knew that at lunch they have to act like nothing happened, until father would talk to their mother about this, and they both could decide how to punish Brian, for molesting their baby.

* * *

After a very awkward and silent lunch, their father told them not to go anywhere and wait, till he'll talk to their mother about this. Brian went to the beach near, to smoke and think, and Justin stayed home to answer Toni's questions, who sensed that something was up at lunch. Brian smoke cigarette after cigarette imagining mother's reaction, she definitely won't be so calm as father was. Brian imagined lots of possibilities, that his parents would resign him as son was pretty obvious, that his father would beat the shit out of him, almost obvious too. "-Brian, came back in. They're waiting for you", Toni shouted inviting him back in. This is it. Like his own personal trial. Some kind of court without any lawyers to defend him.

When he slowly walked back in, father met him in the terrace, no one else was around, "-It's just us", father said noticing his searching gaze, "-Mom will talk to Justin", Brian nodded and seated opposite from his father. "-And as for Toni..we would like that he won't be intruding. He took Sara to the town nearby", Brian nodded again and lighted the cigarette, now he remembered hearing the car engine before. "-Can I have one?", Brian raised his eyes at his father, who didn't smoke since Justin was born. He decided not to comment on it and placed his cigarettes and the lighter on the table between them. Father lighted up a cigarette and they smoke for a minute in silent,

"-So, how are we going to do this?", Brian asked not dealing well with stress, "- I'm telling my side of the story and you beat the shit out if me? Or you beat me up first and then, I'm allowed to some kind of defence"

Father stared at him with surprised look and after a long silent he said "-I think we'll start with just talking". Brian nodded, "-And about the beating...we'll see how it goes". Father finished in a more calmer voice, which meant that beating was still in a possibility for sure.

"-Well I guess in all 29 years, I deserved that at least once", Brian said dryly and was surprised when his father smirked at his words. Even in this awkward situation this still felt almost comfortable.

"-Now I will talk, and you will listen", father said seriously and Brian nodded understanding, pretty glad that he didn't needed to start this talking. Father took a deep inhale of his cigarette one the last time, before smashing it into ashtray. This is it. "-After raising up the three sons and without any big drama, every parent expects some kind of bomb to drop out. Having two sons out of three gay, wasn't the dream we had, but neither of you wanted to dress like a woman or wear make-up, so it was not so bad. We couldn't change who you were but all we cared about, that both of you would be happy, maybe one day to find someone who would make you happy", he made a pause and Brian raised his eyes at his father, after a long looking at his hands. His father took a deep breath and ran his hand trough his hair, like Brian liked to do. "-We always raised you like you were ours and we never looked at you, like you weren't our blood", his father paused and smirked sadly, "-I remember when Justin told us that he was gay too. We suspected that for a while, especially after having some experience with you. He always looked up to you, since he was just little and we were glad, that he has someone who helps him, that he doesn't have to go through that alone", he made a pause again, "-I remember when Justin was seventeen, he came back home drunk for the first time, smiling brightly, excited. His mother found some condoms in his pocket the next morning, we were both so scared for him, he was still our baby to us. He was always going out with you and your friends, we knew that there was a possibility of Justin being with someone older, maybe even with one of your friends. But we counted on you to take care of him and protect him", Brian lowered his head and pressed his eyes shut, he lighted another cigarette. "-Your mother once said that there is the possibility for you with Justin to have sex being drunk or even fall in love, cause you can't ever know, who you will fall in love with. But I said it's bullshit and blamed everything on wine, she had on dinner. You two grow up like brothers, like you were related by blood, and just because you're both gays, doesn't mean anything. You never seemed to settle down and we were sure that Justin would find someone eventually and he did once. We were so happy for him". His father stopped and Brian placed his head in his hands. He knew that he screwed up badly, he knew that nothing will be the same and his father will never look at him, like he did before. Brian took a deep breath, it was his time to talk,

"-In my screwed up life, this was the last thing I thought I might do. I always loved Justin like my brother, when he grew up, he become my friend, someone I could always talk to about anything. I knew he was gay, since he was nine or ten, I tried to help him, to look out for him, to protect him. He always looked up to me and I tried as I could to be the best brother, best friend", Brian made a pause, it wasn't easy to explain how one day from brother he suddenly become lover. He avoided to look into father's eyes, hoping it would help. "-I could see that he was growing into a beautiful young man, years after years, he become more manly, more independent, but still that happy and friendly with his blond hair and bright smile", in other circumstances Brian would've smiled or laughed at the memory, but now he just sighed, "-But I still looked at him as a brother. With college and stuff I saw him less and less, until one day he came back being that smart, funny, talented and beautiful young man. Somehow he wasn't that younger brother Justin, he was this amazing man", Brian stopped and scratched his head trying to stop sounding like some lesbian. "-Dad, I never complained about guys attention, I could always have whoever I wanted. I never had a single relationship, but I never wanted one", Brian took a deep breath ignoring that he made his father to smoke cigarette after cigarette, "-I wish it never would've happened, I wish I could be with other guys and don't feel jealousy towards my younger brother. I wish everything would be much easier...I wish we wouldn't be brothers", Brian said lowering his voice and lighting up another cigarette, avoiding father's staring eyes at him.

"-Do you love him?", suddenly his father asked totally surprising Brian, after a long silent, brunet raised his eyes at his father, "-Not like a brother, like one gay man loves another gay man?", father's face was expressionless,

"-I don't know...", Brian said honestly, "-Maybe... I don't think I ever loved someone before for real. So... probably I wouldn't know how to recognise it, even if it would be right in front of me...",Brian said lowering his voice into a whisper and looking down. Cause that was a lie. He did loved Justin. He now could finally admit to himself. That was the worst. If he wouldn't love him it would be so much easier. Maybe everyone could forget everything and move on. But not when they loved each other. There is no coming back.

"-Were you the one to make it the first move?", Brian felt sick talking about this with their father.

"-No. It was Justin", Brian raised his eyes and saw that the father wanted more explanation. shit. "- He came on to me on his eighteenth birthday and asked me to spend the night together", he said in a whisper not wanting or being able to say it louder, but he knew that father heard him, when the gasp of shock escaped his lips.  
"-I said no. He was drunk, I though he didn't actually meant that. I explained that we can't", his father let out the breath he was holding, but it didn't made things easier.

"-Have you ever slept together?", Brian raised his eyes, why he had to ask those questions. About sex. God. Talking with his father about sex between brothers. Fuck. "-Did you two had sex together, fucked?",father's voice was louder, he sounded angry, but his face remained still pretty calm,

"-Twice", Brian said meaning two nights. He wasn't sure how many times they did fucked. He didn't wanted to remember it now. "-On this New Year's night and when he was back pretty soon after it for a weekend". Brian didn't wanted to think about that, to remember them in bed, naked. It made him horny. What was wrong with him. Justin was his brother. Their father was sitting right in front of him. How those thoughts could enter Brian's head right now. It wasn't the right time for it. It was never the right time.

"-I need to check on your mother. Stay here", his father said seriously and Brian nodded. He lighted another cigarette, pretty sure he'll catch the lung cancer soon. About ten minutes later, he heard words and steps, raising his head, Brian saw both of his parents and Justin coming up. Mother's eyes were red, she probably cried. Brian pressed his eyes tight, hating himself for hurting her.  
"-Justin sit", father said and they all took their seats, with father opposite from Brian and Justin with mother on their sides. Brian avoided to look at Justin, he only looked closely at mother, wishing he could ease her pain. But probably it was the nightmare what couldn't be eased.

"-So, I understand you two want to be together?", this time their mother asked, Brian lowered his head

"-Yes, we do", Justin said loud and clear, but Brian said nothing, nor agreed, nor denied,

"-How are you thinking this to work, if you go to New York and Brian stays here in Pitts?", father asked,

"-I'm not going, I'm staying in Pitts", Justin said seriously and everyone turned to look at him,

"-Justin", Brian and mother said in unison, with anger and surprise. Justin didn't flinch a bit,

"-I already reached enough in New York, I can work and paint here in Pitts, later bring my work to some galleries in New York. I could always came back there, but now I want to be closer to Brian...",

"-Justin", Brian said angrily, locking their eyes, for the first time since their conversation in Justin's room,

"-It's my decision. It's my life. New York won't go anywhere", Justin said back still holding the gaze.

"-I won't let you to sacrifice your career and your life", Brian said angrily and ran his hand trough his hair,

"-I am not sacrificing anything. My life is in Pitts with You", Justin shouted back, forgetting their parents

"-Justin, maybe you should listen to Brian. You can't seek career in Pittsburgh, New York opens more doors for you. You need to think about your talent", their mother said in a soft voice, but Justin didn't listen,

"-No. Mom, Dad I know that you love me and you want me to be happy. Brian makes me happy. Mom, I love him. And not like a brother. So you better deal with this now, cause even if we listen to this crap and blaming, we don't have to. We are grown men and we can do whatever we want, without your permission" Justin shouted losing his temper and everyone around the table set in shock.

"-Justin, calm down. They just care about you and only wants whats best for you ", Brian whispered softly, barely caressing his hand with fingertips, afraid to touch the blonde in front of their parents. Justin looked back at him

"-They're not listening", Justin whispered back, "-Brian, do you want this?", Justin took his hand in his, Brian looked down at their hands together. "-Do you want me to leave for New York that we would never see each other? Do you want to pretend that nothing happened? You want us to be apart? To continue living like there is no tomorrow?", Brian quickly looked up, "-Toni told me. And if you think and it was easier for me, you're wrong", Brian looked back down again, he could feel their parent's eyes on himself, "-Tell me what you want", Justin asked again softly, like it was this easy. It wasn't.

"-It doesn't matter what I want", Brian said in a louder voice, pulling his hand away from Justin's. "-This is a pointless conversation", Brian said angrily and stood up, "-You will never understand and accept us being together, so cut the crap", Brian shouted at his parents, "-And you need to came back to New York", he said turning at Justin, but avoiding his eyes. After that Brian walked back into the house, he took his already packed bag and walked to his car. Justin was leaning on his Jeep's doors with crossed hands over his chest and tears building up in his eyes. "-Justin, move. I'm leaving and its final", Brian said placing his bag inside,

"-What about us? Brian. What about us?", Justin raised his voice, asking to look at him,

"-I'll see you on Christmas", Brian said simply, still avoiding eyes and Justin placed his hands on Brian's chest, "-Justin stop", Brian said in an angry voice, still avoiding his eyes.

"-Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me", Justin said trying to control his tears coming,

"-I don't believe in love", Brian looked down at his eyes, putting his mask on, "I believe in fucking. I don't do relationships or feelings. We would never work, you would just get hurt. So do us both a favour and go to New York, find some trick your age, get married and live happily ever after", Brian said with harsh voice, ignoring Justin's tears, he set in his car and drove away, as fast as he could, trying to ignore that his own eyes were teary. The lump in his throat made him want to scream and punch someone. fuck.

* * *

For two months Brian was living on the edge. He just worked and partied, went to Babylon almost every night, drinking and doing drugs like never before, fucking every guy he meets. He told himself that this was what he wanted, living the time of his life, being with Justin he couldn't do any of this. Blonde would want monogamy, commitments, feelings. Brian wasn't made for that.

One day after work he came back slightly drunk, dragging some hot guy to his loft, but at his doors waited a surprise- his mother stood with worried look on her face, clenching her handbag tightly. "-Brian..", she said as he opened the doors of his loft. Brian ignored her, he unlocked the doors and let the guy in, staying outside himself and looking at his mother, "-Brian, don't be like this. I'm still your mother", Brian bit his lip. It was hard. He not only lost Justin but his parents too. He knows how their mother feels. She's devastated. She needs to chose between them. And she chose Justin, he's her baby boy. Brian will survive alone. With his other family. he always considered Deb as his second mother anyway.

"-What do you want? And how did you find me?", Brian asked, he recently stopped renting and finally brought the loft, he always wanted. He didn't spoke to his parents since the vacation in the beach-house,

"-Toni told me", Brian cursed silently inside, "-Brian, the reason I'm here...", Brian raised his eyes at his mother again, she looked tired and even worried, "-I thought maybe you know where Justin is...", his heart started beating faster at the thought that something happened to his blond, "- His friend Daphne said that he moved back to Pittsburgh. But we haven't heard anything from him. Toni says he hadn't either", Brian shook his head. Justin used to call him, even if Brian wasn't picking, but the calls stopped about two weeks ago. "-Brian, please tell me you know. We just want to know that he's ok. We will accept your relationship.."

"-Bullshit..", Brian couldn't help himself, his mother still wore that disgusted look. Like Brian forced Justin into something. Like he molested her baby. Like she didn't except them being gay anymore. It hurt. But he couldn't really blame her. He still did thou.

"-We will. Brian, we were just shocked, we didn't knew what to think", his mother started crying, "-But if you two are happy together, we will deal with it. We never wanted to lose any of you. Brian...", he kept his hard icy look, even if it hurt seeing his mother like this, "-If we would've knew that you will resign us and that Justin would disappear without a word, we would've never blamed you. We would've listen to you and tried to understand you. We didn't knew that this is so serious", his mother looked weak and vulnerable,

"-Look mom, I don't know where Justin is, I haven't spoken with him, since summer' vacation. I had no idea that he was back in Pitts. I'll try to look for him, and tell you anything I will find out", Brian said in a softer tone and his mother nodded with a half smile,

"-Thank you. Brian...we still love you. You're still our son, don't disappear", she said brushing his cheek softly and after Brian nodded, she left. Maybe there was still a hope. Maybe everything will be better. But right now he couldn't think about it. Cause the most important thing right now was- Justin. God. Brian's head was exploding- Justin was missing. Fuck.

He kicked that guy out from the loft and started calling everyone he knew: Debbie, Michael, Emmet, Teddy. He left couple messages in Justin's phone, few simple and dry, asking to call, to pick up, call their parents. And few softer and sweeter with sadness and almost desperate voice, " _Jus please call me, I'm worried_ ". Brian had just one picture of Justin in his loft, he took it and started walking down _Liberty Avenue_ , looking for him, asking people around. Some people did recognised him, but couldn't say much, saw him in Woody's or somewhere else, but not these couple of days. Brian called Toni again and screamed into phone, threatening to kill him, if he knew but didn't say anything. That night Brian drank like a fish and cried into his pillow, afraid not to see him ever again, his life would be over without Justin.

Brian was sleeping with his clothes on, when he heard someone knocking on his door. He was tired and angry, but it might be someone with information. So Brian pushed himself up from the bed and looking like total shit, opened the doors, "-Toni...did you find him?", if Brian would've been in a better condition, he would've beat the shit out of Toni, for his stupid smirk he wore.

"-I did", Toni said, like it was nothing, "-He's in the hospital", Brian felt his blood running cold. "-Took your stuff I'll drive you", Brian nodded, he wasn't able to say a word. He had hundred of questions but he wasn't able to open his mouth, imagining the worst. "-It's nothing serious. He got into a car accident, but he's stable, with few broken ribs and concussion. He didn't had any documents on so they didn't call to his relatives", Toni spoke as they drove and Brian wanted just to see Justin as soon as possible. Blaming himself, maybe it wouldn't have happened if they would've tried their relationship, if Brian would've picked his calls.

As they came into the Justin's ward, his breath caught in Brian's throat, Justin was sleeping in a big white bed, looking so small and skinny with bruises on his beautiful face. Brian set by his bed and took his hand in his, "-Justin... Jus it's me Brian", he caressed his now longer blonde hair, covering his one eye. Brian didn't noticed that Toni and his parents came inside the ward too, they stood by the doors and watched how shitty looking Brian kept caressing his hair, whispering in desperate nice words "-Jus, I'm so sorry..".Toni told Brian that Justin wasn't hurt badly, just few cracked ribs and slight concussion in head, but Brian felt his eyes become teary. He should've had protected him. Somehow.

"-Brian..?", he quickly looked up at the wakening Justin and surprise in his eyes,

"-Hey Jus", Brian smiled, blinking back his tears and trying to look normal, serious, none emotional,

"-I thought you didn't wanted to see me..", Justin whispered with a hoarse voice, sounding hurt and sad,

"-That's not true. I'm sorry, Jus I'm so sorry", Brian clenched Justin's hand in his tighter,

"-You didn't pick any of my calls. You didn't cared.", Justin said with a hurt voice and teary eyes,

"-Please tell me it wasn't a suicide of love", Brian joked and Justin shook his head with a half smile, "-Jus...I care, I care a lot. I don't know what I would do, if anything would happen to you", Brian said honestly, not able to cover up his feelings, his fear to lose Justin,

"-Since you look like a total shit...I believe you", Justin said softly and Brian finally relaxed

"-Mom, Dad, Toni...", Justin said noticing those three standing by the doors. They came to stood by his bed and Brian wanted to stand up and give them space, but Justin didn't let go of his hand and Brian agreed to stay if Justin needed him. It was awkward to be like this, them, holding hands and parents standing near, but Justin's health, his well being was more important.

"-Why didn't You tell us that you're back in Pittsburgh? Mom was walking on walls when she find out", Toni said as their parents left to get something to eat. Justin still held Brian's hands, not letting go,

"-Cause everyone wanted me to stay in New York. I was going to tell you all, when I would get a job or something. I lost any inspiration to paint, New York was too depressing and lonely", Brain smiled sadly, feeling guilty.

"-When they will release you, you'll stay with us. You won't be able to take care of yourself", Mom said when they came back to the ward. But Justin shook his head disapproving,

"-I'm staying at Brian's", he said seriously, Brian raised an eyebrow but didn't object. Their parents frowned and opened their mouths to protest, but Justin stopped them first, "-It's final. It's sad that you can't accept us being together. But it won't change my decision. It's up to you, you want to see us or not", Justin said seriously meaning business and their parents could just nod. It was pointless to fight, Justin become even more stubborn.

* * *

When Justin was released, he couldn't move around much, cause cracked ribs still hurt like a motherfucker. Even with painkillers he needed Brian's help, but at least they were together. "-It totally sucks", Justin said as they laid in bed on the first night . "-We're lying in one bed, but we still can't fuck", Brian laughed , even if it really sucked. "-Relax while you can, cause when you'll be healthy again, I'll probably crack your ribs again, fucking you into the mattress", Brian spanked his ass and Justin laughed, "-I could not wait".

Reaching finally the scary 30, Brian finally had his first boyfriend and a first lover, even living together. At scary age- scary changes. Even if his first boyfriend and first real love happened to be his fake brother- Justin. Brian couldn't be more happier. Sure life wasn't easy, hell sometimes it was freaking hard. But it was worth it. He took a chance on love and didn't regret it. Seeing the most beautiful blue eyes and the brightest smile, every morning waking up, made him to smile like never before. Kissing the most perfect lips and touching the most perfect skin, being inside the most perfect ass, made him to believe in what he thought never existed. He was happy. He was finally generously happy.

* * *

Until Christmas their parents somehow managed to accept their relationship, they didn't wanted to lose their sons and together they were much happier. So Brian and Justin agreed to come to celebrate Christmas together, like they always used to do. Father still looked quite angry and mother still looked very sad, at least Toni was happy for them, who pronounced about his engagement with his girlfriend Sara. Their mother seemed close to tears, not of happiness for Toni, but of sadness, imagining Justin and Brian getting married too.

"-Boys..", their father stepped them aside, "-We do understand that you're together now. But at least for your mother, could you please not to show that into her face? Just no kisses and holding hands", Brian nodded "-And you'll sleep in separate bedrooms". Father asked in a low voice, feeling uncomfortable,

"-What? This is ridiculous", Justin jumped to protest, but Brian held him down,

"-Of course, we understand. No problem", Brian smiled politely at his father, understanding it completely.

After the dinner Brian told his parents that he hired a private investigator and found his birth parents. They lived poorly, his father looked like an alcoholic and his mother like a mean bitch devoted to Jesus. They had a daughter, few years older than Brian, she raised two kids. Brian thanked his parents for raising him and loving his like their own. "-I decided to change my name into Kinney", Brian stated and his parents gasped with shock,

"-Did you do it for Justin?", their father asked, understanding that it might be the reason,

"-No. My boss might ask me to become a partner in firm. I need a cooler name", Brian stated simply. "-But yes, this would be much better if Justin and I would have separate last names",

"-And since gay marriage is not legal yet, the same last name looks quite weird", Justin agreed smiling.

* * *

After the dinner atmosphere become more comfortable and warm, maybe because they were all tired. Brian knew that it probably would never be like before, like in good old times. Before all that mess, before their parents knew everything. He held that guilt inside him and probably always will.

At night they all went to rest in their rooms. Of course Brian and Justin had to sleep in separate beds. He truly understood that arrangement. They all three were still brothers and their parent's little boys. What was weird, is sleeping in parent's house again. They always stayed the nights at Christmas, cherishing their family holiday. But now it felt weird. Since their family was little rocky. But Brian was glad to still have his parents. He felt glad that they still loved him, even still.

Brian felt restless, he couldn't sleep. So after hours of turning in bed he escaped outside for a midnight smoke. He stood in the terrace enjoying the starlight sky, when he felt someone approaching him from behind, he couldn't help but smile, "-Hey you", Justin's soft whisper came just before Brian felt small hands circling around his waist. Hot breath caressed his back and Brian felt instantly calmer.

"-What are you doing here?", Brian asked with smile, not minding the company at all, "- Didn't you knew that Santa Claus won't come, until you're sleeping", Brian joked with the smirk, instantly getting a chuckle in response.

"-Can't sleep without you in bed", Justin admitted softly and came around to face Brian. His blue eyes sparkled with love and joy. It always clenched Brian's chest.

"-Of course...", Brian started with a smirk, "-Who else, would you use as your pillow?", he asked jokingly with some sarcasm. He always complained that Justin sleeps practically on him, but deep inside enjoying every second of it.

Justin chuckled and smiled brightly in a response, leaning into Brian, snuggling for some warm. "-You'll freeze", Brian said softly running his hand over Justin's shoulders, trying to warm him up, "-Go back to bed", he whispered in a caring and protecting voice, not sure if it was from being older brother or a lover. It was still sick to think about it. Right now they stuck to Brian being adopted, to being lovers and Brian changing his name into Kinney. He already loved the name. Being Irish and all. At least it explained his drinking.

"-Love you", Justin whispered snuggling closer for warm, not wanting to let go, to be alone. Brian couldn't help but smile brightly. He couldn't get enough of hearing it. It wasn't like he never heard those words, but from Justin it always meant so much more. Justin made him to hear, to see, to believe. He didn't become a believer in fairytales, power of universe or soul mates. But Justin's words about faith bringing them together somehow stuck in his head. Even if it was one very fucked up faith, them being fake brothers. But fuck. Who knows what would've happen if Brian would've never been adopted by Justin's parents and Brian would've lived separately in some strange crappy family. Maybe they would've just meet in _Babylon_ and fucked once. Cause maybe just being brothers they saw themselves for real, got to know each other and it made them to fall in love with each other. Well now, no one would know. But Justin believed in their love strongly. So strong that it made Brian to believe it too. At least a little bit.

"-Love you too", Brian whispered softly not being able to hide and lie about his feelings for his Sunshine anymore. Justin made him to believe that everything will be ok. They will be ok.


End file.
